7:13 Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:7:14 Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.7:24 Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:7:26 And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:
Hello there!
My name’s Sandy Broad, and I’m here today to tell you about Broadway Bay Developments – the place where you can live like a star, right here on the beach – the place where you can build your own little piece of heaven, right here on the beautiful, golden sand.
But, listen folks, I don’t expect you to just take my word for it – that’s why I’ve invited a few friends along to help me paint you a picture of what life’s really like here at Broadway Bay.
So, first of all, please put your hands together and let’s give a big Broadway Bay welcome to, Mr David Soulful... Come on up here, Davie!
Now, when David came to Broadway Bay back in the summer of ’69, little did he know that he was about to begin a kind of journey – a spiritual journey of self-discovery that would change the course of his life forever.
You see, in my humble opinion, David is one of our nation’s most gifted singer-songwriters, and when he first came to Broadway Bay, well in a way, it was like coming home to a place he’d never been before. For the first time, out at Introspection Point, Davie found a place where he could truly explore his innermost feelings, his most deeply-felt emotions – a place where he could, in his own words, “sing the slowly turning pain of this poor heart of mine”.
So at Introspection Point, we built Davie a house – and much more than a house. Because, in truth, the house was just a focal point, a fulcrum, around which David could build his whole life – a channel, through which David could pour out his whole life in poetry and song.
And speaking of which… we do have a few copies of David’s new album, My Poor Sad Sweet Self, which you’ll be able to purchase at the back of the hall, right after this presentation.
So let’s hear it one more time folks, for Mr David Soulful!
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to introduce you to another good friend of mine... Mr J. B. Walton aaaaaaaaand family!
Come on up here, JB! Come on up here, Mrs W! Come on up here, kids!
I’m sure JB won’t mind me telling you that he had the most miserable childhood you could ever imagine – the only child of an only child – no-one knows how many long, lonely nights he spent sitting in front of a TV set, dreaming of the idyllic family life he saw portrayed there.
But here at Broadway Bay, we’re in the business of making dreams come true. And JB will tell you, that’s exactly what we did for him all those years ago, when we moved JB, and his lovely new wife Loretta, into one of the wonderful family homes, in the wonderful family neighbourhood, of Scant Comfort Cove.
I tell you, we must be doing something right, because Loretta’s expecting number nine in the fall, and their eldest, JB Junior, is hoping to make JB a granddaddy, just in time for Christmas!
And you know folks, when I asked JB what the best thing is about family life here in Broadway Bay, do you know what he told me? He told me, “Sandy, you’ve heard it said that when a father dies, he lives on in his children?”
Then, he just put one of those great big hands of his on my shoulder, and with a twinkle in his eye, he said, “Well, Sandy, I intend to live on an awful looong time!”
That’s right! Give it up folks, for the Walton family!
All right now. There’s just one more guest I’d like you all to meet – a very special guest, and a very special friend… please welcome with me, the Reverend Slim Veneer!
Come on up here, Rev!
I guess there’s not a man, woman or child who’s not heard of the Free Assemblies of Broadway Bay, the Reverend’s flourishing church, which we locals like to simply and affectionately call, the FABB Fellowship. The Rev tells me that he’s now laying-on up to five back-to-back services every Sunday, just to accommodate his ever-growing congregation!
But what not everyone may be aware of is that just a few short years ago, FABB was anything but “fabulous”. For instance, when Rev Veneer first arrived at Broadway Bay, the entire congregation of the FABB Fellowship would have easily fitted into the Ping-Pong room of today’s church!
The Rev was simply appalled by the lack of purpose, drive and ambition he found amongst god’s own people – people who were seemingly content to worship in a building that, for all intents and purposes, had scarcely changed since their great-grandfathers worshipped there!
But, within just eighteen months of the Rev’s arrival, the old church had been demolished, and the foundations were already being laid for the gigantic church mega-plex you see today, with its twenty-five thousand seat auditorium, its giant fifty-foot TV screen (which ensures folks at the back don’t miss any of the platform-action!), its cafes, its conference suites, its fully-equipped gym, sauna and health spa – not to mention the mini-mall and twelve-lane bowling alley the Rev recently submitted plans for!
But I guess, for me, what exemplifies Reverend Veneer, and the whole FABB project, is that they’ve taken what to many is just a prayer, and turned it into a statement of intent. Because at FABB, it’s not just, “Thy kingdom come” – sometime, anytime, never; it’s, “Together, we can build it!” – a kingdom of decency, prosperity, and good old-fashioned neighbourliness, right here in Broadway Bay!
So let’s just thank the Reverend for his incredibly precious time, folks; and if there are any questions, I’d be pleased to take one or two right now…
Yes, thank you – the gentleman in the garish spotted tie. Do you have a question, sir?
Yes. Delvin Debree of the Bay Chronicle. Isn’t it true, Mr Broad, that there’s been something of an exodus from Broadway Bay in recent weeks – bay residents just upping sticks and joining the small, ramshackle communities that’ve grown-up on the slopes of Narroway Ridge?
Well now, Mr… Debree, is it? I don’t know where you people get your information from, but I do believe that if you check your sources you’ll find that the only people who’ve left Broadway Bay recently are the kind of people that, quite frankly, we’re not too sorry to see the back of! And if a bunch of bums, winos, and floozies want to drag their pitiful hides up that narrow, death-trap of a road, and set-up house on that God-forsaken rock… well, I don’t think too many people will be shedding a tear down here, on the beautiful beaches of Broadway Bay.
Narroway Ridge!? What kind of a place is that to raise a family? My God, it doesn’t even have a sea-view!
Narroway Ridge!? I’ll tell you something about Narroway Ridge: I was up there hunting deer a few weeks ago, and do you know what the road-sign says? Well, I’ll tell you what it says: it says…
Welcome to
NARROWAY RIDGE
Population: “Few there be”
In Friendship With: “The poor in spirit”
